Queen Camilla Needs to Put Her Feet Up

Many reasons why we should be glad not to be Queen

Queen Camilla’s hands were seen shaking at some public event. She’s 76 years old. She probably needs to sit down, put her feet up and have a cuppa.

She became Queen of England last year at age 75.

I don’t know about you, but age 75 seems a tad older to get your first job. I wouldn’t want any job that required me to stand on my feet, plaster a smile on my face, and greet strangers. It sorta sounds like being a greeter at Walmart.

Plus, maybe it’s just me, but in the pictures I’ve seen that smile looks a tad weary. Then, she had to give a baby elephant a really large bottle, or something that falls equally in the category of “not going to do that, uh-uh, not me.”

I volunteered to staff a table at a professional fair recently, and I could barely tolerate two hours of making up answers to silly questions. Now, imagine I had to lose weight, have my hair done and wind-proofed, find some outfit that is appropriate for the event, wear a broach or some piece of jewelry symbolic of the event, and wear shoes that aren’t Hokas or orthopedic shoes.

Maybe she’s an introvert. My social battery wears out in two hours. Then I go home and put my feet up.

I mean, we all remember the agony when she was the third person in the marriage (according to Princess Diana) and Charles’s phone was hacked and perhaps the worst almost erotic wish was published for the world to read. I, personally, would want to disappear for life, but there she is, plastered smile and shaking hands.

I know Charles insisted on her getting the title of Queen and not Queen Consort, and I don’t give a rip because I’m not English and barely know the difference.

I just know a woman who needs to put her feet up when I see one.

I’ve also read they live in separate castles which would leave the question “Your palace or mine?” up for frequent ask.

Well, maybe they are technically castles, but they are just really big houses. It seemed very civil, to have separate houses and be married, when one house is big enough for two people to live in and never see each other.

Her clothing and designer choices are discussed as if it is a serious business. And maybe it is.

Today, I am wearing new maroon corduroys with a long-sleeved T-shirt, and a matching blanket for the chill in the air.

The problem is there is no end to this business.

Queen Elizabeth kept going till she was 96, which was a really bad role model if you think about it. She should have retired at age 75 and let Charles have a go.

Now he’s waited around all this time, he probably wants to be King for a while. If I were Camilla, I’d want to do what I’m doing — I have my feet up, I’m listening to music, and I’m writing about something not very important in the scheme of things.

But having a chuckle at how my life is better than the Queen’s.